Breaking News: The Brazil One freed from captivity!

By: pixbyshumbles

Sep 17 2013

Tags: , , ,

Category: September 2013


Focal Length:46mm
Shutter:1/0 sec
Camera:Canon EOS 600D

So, the alien formerly known as Sprog has arrived. And a jolly nice wee feller he is too. He arrived in style via the sunroof, a most bizarre experience I must say. There I was in me fetching mint green hospital gown having my photo taken by the nursing staff in the delivery room after explaining how to manage the Canon by pointing and making clicking noises while a man behind me was poised with a massive needle to plunge into my spine.

A surreal moment, for sure. I was alone in the theatre as they don’t allow partners into the room here for fear of infection. The poor oul Brazilian was hovering down the corridor twitching from foot to foot.

I can’t tell you how weird it was. I thought I’d be a quaking quivering mess but I was strangely calm, pragmatic. Here I am in a foreign country, my family and friends aren’t here, I don’t speak the language and I’m about to succumb to the knife. Ho hum

My consultant was brilliant, stroking my hand as the needle went in, apparently she was surprised at me as well, do I come across as that much of a diva normally I wonder?!

So, what can I tell you about the section that won’t gross you out? The sensation of being tugged at was strange, it felt like they were slapping me with a jack hammer to get Mini Me out. Maybe they were. It was really fast as well. Thirteen minutes after my photo was taken I heard an angry scream and tears of relief poured down my face.

The next thing I remember was seeing one rubbery looking leg and then the other being hoisted in the air above my face as they put my rather fetching nappy on! I’d had another procedure done which meant they had to knock me out and during this time they took a photo with Mini Me nose to nose which of course neither of us will remember. It was such a lovely thing to think of and I am so grateful.

Back in the room the outlaws had arrived and cooing had commenced, camera phones in hand. The Brazilian had blubbed down the phone at The Magnetic Wan so all was well: the people who most needed to know were in the loop. For the rest of the day I drifted in and out of a morphine-induced slumber punctuated by the most vicious body-rattling shakes. That was something I hadn’t heard about, apparently it’s the epidural leaving the body and, I’m guessing, a smidgeen of shock as well.

That day really passed in a blur but even in my drug-addled state I could see that The Brazilian was the most amazing daddy. Not that I ever doubted him. Never-ending patience and a big goofy smile plastered across his face, he just loves Mini Me. It’s a heart-melting sight, I have to admit.

And me?

Well, as I’ve said in my letters to Sprog I took a long time to get my head around the whole parenthood thing and I found being knocked up very hard, not least because of the complications but emotionally and mentally I was a mess. It wasn’t instant, not like in the movies where you see the mother cradling her blood-spattered baby and just oozing gooey love vibes. No, don’t get me wrong: I liked him from the beginning and I eagerly drunk in every aspect of his face any time I could catch a glimpse. It wasn’t until we had a screaming session on the second night and I realised I was crying because the sound of him being upset and not being able to get to him was torture.

Torture, not in the sense of “oh Gawd kid, can’t you drop the volume!” but in the knowledge that I was utterly useless. I couldn’t get out of the bed to help. I felt a right failure and at that moment I knew that this little creature had, in a matter of hours, wormed his way into my heart.


8 comments on “Breaking News: The Brazil One freed from captivity!”

  1. haha! you got it honey! Welcome to the mummy club! what did I tell you? You’ll cry more than you ever thought possible but you’ll also smile more and laugh more too. He is gorgeous, congratulations! xxx

  2. Good woman yourself, delighted for you! Enjoy him x

  3. Birth-blog – Cool.
    Ah there’s nothing you could tell me about a section that would gross me out – I’ve seen a birth video!
    Seriously tho’ – 13 minutes sounds like the way to go.

    But really can you blame him for being angry – there he was, minding his own business, kicking any available internal organ he could get his foot to, creating mayhem and generally chilling in out in the amniotic fluid when all of a sudden . . . there was a gap . . where there wasn’t meant to be any gap – seriously, was there a zip there before – no-one told me that . . . and bright lights, surgical masks, strange voices . . and out he’s hauled!
    Screaming what are you doi . . hang on a second . . . get your hands offa . . ahh for goodness sake I was GRAND in there . . . oh alright alright, don’t make a fuss, of COURSE I’ll meet her – just put me DOWN! That’s better.
    Now who are all these people . . . and cameras too . . Ooooh, I could get used to this, it’s like being a celebrity – at the Oscars – now another little yawn and that’ll make them ohh and ahh even more and then the daddy-person will feed me, then a little nap and more cuddles later, I could get used to this . . . hmmm, this born lark ain’t so bad at all.

    Am still wondering tho’ if they put a nappy on you or on him -LOL! Him I presume, my reading is probably a bit off today.

    You know, maybe bonding isn’t really instant anyway. Those teary new mothers gooing over newborns are probably all sent over from central casting and have been rehearsing the oozy look. And recovering so you would be as well as you could be, to look after him at home, is certainly not anything anyone could consider useless or a failure.

    I’m not sure about worming tho ‘ – there he is, thinking he’s getting the bonding all sorted out . . . when he all along, that wriggling about is being labelled as worming – HMMPFF (or whatever the Brazilian translation of HMMPFF is!).

  4. It did?!! Did they want to make sure you matched baby – unique Brazilian custom?!

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