Fixer Upper

By: pixbyshumbles

Oct 24 2012

Tags: , , , , ,

Category: October 2012


Focal Length:20mm
Shutter:1/0 sec
Camera:Canon EOS 600D

Right, one of you sensible people has told me that in fact I wasn’t in Alhambra de Granada as it … eh, looks nothing like this and is actually in the very centre of the city. I swear we asked a woman on a newstand in the city where it was and she shrugged her shoulders so we followed the signs … to goodness only knows where. Don’t I feel like a freakin’ dolt! All I can say is that a) this is a very nice place, you should go visit it and b) can someone stump up the fare for me to go back to Granada pllllllleeeeeeeeeeease!

Anyway, on with today’s second lesson:

Roughly ten years ago most of the population of Ireland became fluent in auctioneer-speak.

Small children, the dog in the street and probably even foetuses were caught up in the whirlwind of property. People devoured the Irish Times property supplement that sometimes seemed larger than the rest of the paper. They went (for fun apparently) to house viewings without any intention of buying. The estate agent descriptions at the time were hilarious and often bore little resemblance to the truth.

Words like bijoux (tiny), compact (just enough room to swing a hamster), up-and-coming area (expect to be mugged) were flung about willy nilly.

You knew when they singled out the sink and toilet for a mention that you were in trouble. Houses described as being charming and ripe for renovation were generally wrecks, not unlike this beauty I found in Alhambra.

This is a true fixer-upper in every sense of the word.

I’m sure if it was in Ireland it would be described as having old world charm, stunning views (it’s sitting on a 30ft precipice) and, based on the squiggle adorning its wall, perfect for the artistic temperament.

Needless to say, I’d buy it!


2 comments on “Fixer Upper”

  1. Autioneer speak 101 :

    A lot of potential = a complete dump
    An excellent renovation project = a complete and utter dump altogehter
    Suit someone with fliar and imagination = liable to fall down within weeks
    Loft apartment = two poky rooms in the attic
    Atmospheric = situated between a haunted church and famine graveyard
    Quaint = no running water or toilet
    Very quaint = as for “Quaint” but with no electricity either
    Stunning sea views = An gale force north atlantic wind which neccessitates spending the equivalent of the national debt of Bolivia on heating on an annual basis
    Rural Idyll = 20 miles from any other form of life whatsoever and 100 miles from any kind of transport
    Mature gardens = complete overrun with moribund trees and 6 foot of grass blocking all natural light forn every angle
    Central = 150 decibel noice 24 X 7
    Very Central = between a train station, a chipper and a nightclub.

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