Cuckoo on Crack

By: pixbyshumbles

May 04 2012

Category: May 2012

2 Comments

Aperture:f/4
Focal Length:25mm
ISO:1250
Shutter:1/30 sec
Camera:Canon EOS 600D

About six days ago I paused in an Angelus-style moment of reflection (you know the kind, pensive look staring off into the middle distance, head cocked at a thoughtful angle) … Incidentally, I’ve always wondered are the people on the Angelus actually thinking of all things peaceful, Godly and spiritual or are they just trying to remember if they’ve unplugged the iron/vaccinated the dog/dropped little Krystal to the crèche? I was asked to do it once when I was working in the hallowed halls of NUI Maynooth, the Angelus I mean, not the school run. I declined on the grounds of kicking with the wrong foot … now I kick with none but that’s another day’s story.

Anyway, back to my moment of quiet, peaceful, at-one-with-the-world smuggery. It happened courtesy of Mother Nature. I was outside doing something, washing dog feet possibly, when I heard the first call of the cuckoo this year. Coooo coooo, it sang jauntily in a melodic voice, embued with the promise of warmer days and rebirth. ‘Ah, summer’s here’, I thought to myself as I nodded wisely. ‘How lovely’.

Quite.

Fast forward a week or so and I’m on Ebay bidding for a shotgun so I can blow the little fecker to smithereens.

Y’see, he’s a drug user. A junkie.

How do I know? Because he sits in the tree morning, noon and night cuckooing to himself in his aggravated squeaky falsetto like a contestant on the X Factor. He’s clearly on speed with ‘nary a notion of the time of day. He’s probably dealing as well, the magpies aren’t as prolific as they used to be, just lounging against the shed wall talking about making muffins, man.

This is why it’s taken me two and a half days to read 40 pages of work and neglecting you, my dear reader. It’s clearly his fault. His repetitive grating voice rings in my head day and night. KucKooooo KucKoooooo. The nest-thievin’ b*st*@d.

So, I’m gonna go postal on his stoned ass. I’ll start with the fly swatter.

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2 comments on “Cuckoo on Crack”

  1. Dearest heathen daughter.. sadle it occurs to me that your expensive, exclusive Wesleyan college education was less than success on a number of fronts, but I shall confine my reply to the subject of your prose.. the cuckoo…
    If you can find a few seconds in your hectic life’s schedule of tasks may I recommend that you Google the word ‘cuckoo’ and question what sound does it make….
    I believe you will discover, for yourself, that coooo cooooo is the anthem of the Pigeon – can you perhaps guess what sounds the Cuckoo makes… (I always knew Ladybird books were sadly lacking in detail)…tell you what, to save your brain cells from overheating I’ll give you a clue… repeat after me
    Cuk-ooh cuck-effing-ooh!!!

    • If you had paid attention in English class in the late 1800s when you were in school, you would have heard of the term “artistic license” and therefore you would know that I had exaggerated the noise of said bird to illustrate my point. The point I was making through the blog today related to how something that was initially so pleasant could quickly become irritating when it is repeated ad infinitum (that’s Latin, look it up)


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