Aural Abuse

By: pixbyshumbles

Apr 12 2012

Category: April 2012

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Aperture:f/7.1
Focal Length:30mm
ISO:100
Shutter:1/100 sec
Camera:Canon EOS 600D

This is a glass of cranberry juice replete with mould that’s been living on my bedside locker for a few days now. It reminds me of music. Specifically novelty music.

Sgt Pepper is largely responsible for my eclectic taste.

As a kid I remember the mobile home (for, as I have previously mentioned, we got our gypsy groove on long before Channel 4 unpacked its cameras) shaking to the beat of Jagger, Plant, Alice ‘n Ozzy with regularity.

There was a lot of variety: even now, on entering the house you don’t know if you’re going to get a splash of Bach, a pop of Mannfred Man or some ear-bleeding awful 90s rave tooons (“Lemme hear you say Aciddddd”, anyone remember that?).

Conservatively I’d say he’s got a few thousand LPs and 45s and that’s before we get to the CD, mini-disc and cassette collection.

Of course it’s not all cool stuff.

No. For every screeching Eff-the-Establishment Sex Pistols track or rare Beatles B-side, there’s a novelty song.

Some of them are funny: Monty Python’s ‘Always Look on the Bright Side’, for example. Or ‘Lily the Pink’ by The Scaffold.

Some are a bit more cringeworthy: Weird Al Yankovicz singing … well, anything really.

Others are downright odd. When I was in school I remember him coming home with a tape by a threesome (I can’t even bring myself to call them a ‘band’ as that confers some sort of ability on them that simply wasn’t there) called The Bogmen. I feel it’s only fair to describe a little their distinctive “sound”. More distinctive than that of Phil Spector, theirs consisted of one beardie weirdie on the banjo, another on acoustic guitar and the third stabbing randomly at a Casio keyboard.

I wouldn’t say that they played their instruments, now.

Abuse is how I’d describe it.

And the singing.

Oh my. Just imagine, if you dare, a man warbling in a flat County Monaghan accent in a completely different tempo to the Casio which itself is set to a different rhythm to the song they’re supposed to be playing. It’s a godawful catterwauling brain-numbing racket. It’s so horrendous that it doesn’t even come into “so-bad-it’s-good” territory.

They only made the one album, suffice to say. But they can be found on YouTube if you care to assualt your ears.

And the song the photo reminds me of?

‘Mouldy Old Dough’ by Lieutenant Pigeon from the swinging Sixties.

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