Wellied Bliss

By: pixbyshumbles

Jan 30 2012

Category: January 2012

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My new wellies have arrived!

It will come as no surprise to those of you who view me as a durty big culchie that this engendered great excitement!

But le’mme explain.

These designer wellies have been a long time coming. Fourteen months to be precise. No, they’re not made of emeralds or platinum-soled or anything like that. They’re just ordinary gumboot wellies. From Hunter. My favourite.

Allow me to explain.

Sometime ago, fourteen months in fact, The Mammy’s Hunter wellies decided that life wasn’t worth living and sprung a leak within a few weeks of her buying them. I don’t know why as she’s very kind to her wellies, cleaning all the slime off them when she comes in from mucking out the nags. They’re kept inside, all warm and cosy like. Wellies aren’t just for Christmas as you know …

The nice man in the shop said he’d get her some new ones. He took her number and promised to call her.

But he didn’t. A few months went by and she went in to check on progress.

No dice.

“They’ll be in next week missus. Ten days tops”.

That was last April. Meanwhile Mrs Sgt Pepper had been gifted a pair of truly outstanding wellies so she didn’t really care … but I did. Nobody makes false promises within my earshot and gets away with it.

So I duly puffed myself up with indignant rage and mosied down to the shop a few weeks ago. Of course Mr Shop Owner wasn’t there so I asked that he call me.

He …

… didn’t.

So Mrs SP and I went in a few days later and I tore strips off him. It was like a gazelle being mauled by tigers.

A cat with a mouse.

Indeed, it was almost as bad as a chicken carcass being picked over by The Brazilian.

It was that time of the month y’see.

But he was a tough cookie, he wasn’t on for admitting failure. Oh no, he even went so far as to suggest that the previous pair had been abused … abused?! Sure Mrs SP wouldn’t hurt a fly. And so it continued, me eyeballing him and he studiously avoiding my gaze. Stalemate.

It wasn’t until I mentioned the words “Consumer Rights Authority” that he snapped to attention and informed me that the replacements would be in the shop “in a week. Ten days tops”.

I waited.

And lo and behold it only took three weeks.

And they’re lovely so they are. All green and shiny n’ patriotic, maybe I’ll wear them to the Paddy’s Day parade!


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